A Writer’s Truth
As I get older, I see how many people are affected by anxiety and depression. Both of those are related and typically caused by stress, over-thinking, excess worry, etc… You don’t have to be diagnosed with anxiety to suffer from any of those problems. It could just be a very stressful time in your life that you are overwhelmed by. I, personally, suffer from anxiety but I know, and have seen, both sides.
I am also a perfectionist (and a Virgo LOL). Put all of that together with a writer and you get me, someone who is almost never satisfied with their writing. A part of me truly wants to believe in myself as a person and a writer but the other part craves perfection and never feels good enough. It’s a never-ending battle that I have with myself every day. It’s worse at night, though, so insomnia is very common for me.
Whether I have writing to do for my blog, work, or it’s just an off night for me, I stay up thinking. What do I think about? Thoughts about my career, relationships, my health, and my future in general have plagued my mind the most. Most of the time, I think (aka worry) about things that I can’t change. I sit back and reflect on the mistakes I’ve made and wonder why I didn’t handle them differently, or better.
We all have had moments where we say “If I knew then what I know now things would be different”. That might not necessarily be true, though. What if we went through those rough situations for a reason? Maybe our current situations are better than the other outcome. I am a true believer in “Things happen for a reason”.
I do still doubt myself and my abilities, no matter how good I am at something. Those close to me, who believe in me, tell me how amazing or talented I am and don’t understand how I don’t believe it. I do know that I have some pretty cool qualities but so much has happened to me and so many people have tried to discourage me that it does keep me from believing what I truly know in my heart about myself.
I will say, though, music, my writing, and those who actually read what I post, keeps me going. Even if I don’t feel so upbeat or motivated, I love being able to share my story with others. If I can reach 1 person and help them see that they are not alone, then I have accomplished something so much bigger than myself. And that makes me want to keep writing, no matter how insecure or discouraged I get.
So with all of that being said, don’t let negative thoughts or people stop you or keep you away from what you’re passionate about. There is always a way to stay positive and motivated, you just have to find what works best for you. Also, don’t just do it for followers/ subscribers, likes, and comments; do it so that at the end of the day, you are happy with yourself. You should be able to look back and be proud of who you were as a person and how you treated others to get where you are now.
With Love Always