There have been many times that I have missed him over the past three years. We live in different cities, five and a half hours apart, so there is plenty of time to wish he was with me. We have been dating since May of my senior year of high school, his junior year, where we were partners in a ballroom dancing class. After our first three months of dating, I moved away to college. That’s when missing him began. His name is Austin and he is my boyfriend of three years.
We have had countless phone calls where I am in tears seeking his support and comfort, which he provides as well as he can over the phone. But it’s just not the same as him being there in person. There have been many moments when I am reminded of him by a song, an inside joke, or seeing another couple on campus, and wishing I could reach out and hold his hand. But the moment that first came to mind as I began to write was a day that I found out something big and really wished Austin was with me. Unfortunately, it was not something exciting or news I had been awaiting. It was completely unexpected.
It was a Saturday morning in October of my Sophomore year of college and I awoke to a Facebook message from someone I had not spoken to in years. That person decided to tell me a piece of information about my family that was shocking, saddening, infuriating, and that I was hoping was not true. My first instinct was to call Austin and talk to him about it. So I called him, sobbing, confused, not knowing what to do next or if I should trust her. As comforting as it was to hear his voice, I wanted more than anything for him to hold me as I cried. I wanted him to look me in the eyes, take my face in his hands, and tell me I would make it through. He spoke truth to me over the phone and helped calm my hysteric sobs, but I longed to have him there to physically support me at that moment, as my body had been weakened by grief.
This was one of many times that I missed Austin deeply and wished I could see him, even for just 5 minutes. But in this moment, I needed physical support more than in the others. When I am missing him so much, I am saddened by his absence and I am jealous of people with proximal relationships. But I am reminded of times he was able to hold me as I cried and comfort my grieving heart in person. I think about the times in the future when we eventually marry when he will be there to comfort and hold me. The Lord uses these moments to bring me to my knees and cry out for His comfort and strength. Times like these force me not to rely on Austin for everything, but to rely on the Lord who has already sustained me through many things.
~ Anna Miller