“war and fire” by Bria Fields

I don’t even know who I am right now

I just find myself so caught up in a cycle of damage

Breaking rules I set for myself just hours before

Being told “thanks I needed that. I’m gonna go home now”

 

But this time my stomach hurts

And my brain needs a distraction

This time I can’t look at myself in the mirror

And I don’t know how laugh it off

 

I never thought I’d be here

I could have never imagined myself here

I wouldn’t have placed myself here

I didn’t ever see myself here

 

I’ve been through too many church services

Too many Bible studies

Too many good talks with good friends

Too many promises

 

But I’m here

 

And the grace is too much

Because I never thought I would need it this badly

I didn’t anticipate being on the receiving end of the fullness of his mercy

I thought I was good enough

 

So now that I know I’m not

Now that I know who I am

How do I become what I’m not

To truly become who I am

 

~ Bria Fields

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