I fear not being enough.
It’s a fear that lays dormant until I no longer can hold it inside.
When it comes through it’s a tsunami of emotions, it takes over me, and the awful thing is I can see it coming before it hits.
I know people love me and people care but I can’t help being afraid that one day I’ll stop being enough.. I’ll stop being what they want.
I never use to have this fear until I saw that fear in my mother.
Her fear became a reality because for some reason no matter what she did everyone left.
I began to feel that maybe that would happen to me.
I saw that fear in my sister; she cried to me about how she’s afraid to fall in love with anyone else than who she’s comfortable with because maybe they’ll leave and see her as enough anymore.
This fear was created by my father because he made my mother feel as if she wasn’t enough that I began to fear that one day, in his eyes, I would not be enough; that he’d run off and replace me with another daughter.
You know what he did? Exactly just that.
That is why I fear not being enough but,
I know I am enough it just takes the right people to see it.
~ Tara Losander